7 Vicious Questions: Nick Albrook (POND)

It’s no surprise that POND have had the success that they have. Providing time-warp psychedelia to the masses, the band continue to provide their personified acid trip day after day, gig after gig, tour after tour.

Fortunately enough for me, I had the chance to chat with the band’s frontman Nick Allbrook. And I could’ve done that thing where I ask him serious questions in the hope for genuine responses… but that’s a little bit boring, and I wanted to do something special for my mate Nick.

Would you rather have legs as your fingers, or fingers as your legs? How do you think that playing your instruments would go down with your new body mutation? 

It depends if the appendages in question are equivalent in size to that which they are replacing. Leg sized fingers would definitely be workable, although extremely sensitive for such an overworked part of the body. If the size of the appendage is the same, regardless of where it is attached, my answer remains, because sitting in a wheelchair is preferable to dragging around five useless legs on the end of each hand. Useless, unless… I could travel upside down as some freaky decapedal handstand monster! But then I’d be exiled by my friends and family and have to live under a bridge on the outskirts of the city and eat fish heads and scare the fuck out of merchants to feast upon their mules.

You go back in history, and you meet Elvis. At what stage of his career do you meet him? Do you steal his blue suede shoes? Please tell me that he’s eating a peanut butter, bacon and banana sandwich? 

“Elvis was a hero to most but he never meant shit to me you see straight up racist that sucker was simple and plain mother fuck him and John Wayne”

Would you rather battle a horse-sized duck, or 100 duck-sized horses? Please give reasoning for your decision.

I’ll take any opportunity to avoid passing my last breath in a hospital bed or a flaming airplane, so I would plead for 100 horse sized ducks. It’d be an honour to die such a beautiful, fantastical and heroic death.

If you were the opposite sex for a month, how would you spend your time?

Playing with my dick.

McDreamy or McSteamy?

Samsung

You’re all playing a part in Captain Planet. Earth, wind, fire, water, heart. Which one are you and why? 

Heart. He was an underdeveloped pussy whose only special power was diplomacy.

Would you rather be sexually attracted to fruit or have Cheetos dust permanently stuck on your fingers? 

I am sexually attracted to fruit.

POND‘s album Man It Feels Like Space Again is out now.

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